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Am I being childish..............

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  • Am I being childish..............

    I had an unpleasant experience at my Pharmacist nephews wedding and I have distanced myself from his wife. They had not done the rehearsals etc and I guess I was supposed to be their main guy and I didn't exactly know what my responsibilities were my nephew, did not want a Nikah but his Syrian wife's mother and his mother insisted on the Nikah so last minute they decided to do Nikah.

    My eldest brother, my two sisters, one nephew and the groom's brother flew in from the USA and I had many people at my house, I took days off to look after all these people, bringing them from the airport, cooking for them, driving them around etc.

    A bit of history with my nephew Wasif, his dad was a sociopath who had abandoned his wife and kid and that was really devastating for my sister and she went to USA , my sisters helped her out, she upgraded her studies and got a job, the whole family helped her out and now she is really well off, has a Mercedes and two investment properties. She was also the ringleader in abuse against my family and did so much badnaami for us that we stopped meeting with people in the community and became goras. we decided to forgive her abuses. The husband now has gained a lot of weight, has mobility issues and totally broke and came to the kids demanding respect and money as Pak kids owe the deadbeat father respect.

    My nephew did not have any family in our city and we felt bad for him and despite our disappointment with his mother we took care of him for many years, inviting him for dinner making care packages for him etc and then welcomed his Syrian gf in our family. His mother outright rejected her and we talked to her into accepting the inevitable.

    The Syrian girl is very close to her mom and two brothers Ali and Hassan and just keeps on boasting about them, we had her mom over to our house a few times and she was not a good guest.

    During the wedding both her brothers completely ignored our family during the Nikah, no eye contact, not even a nod or smile etc and my family had spent lots of money to fly out for this wedding.

    In the evening we were supposed to go to a Greek restaurant for dinner, again when we got there this dumb Hassan was in the greeting party and did not as much as look at me or shake my hand. I got a bit upset and I extended my hand to him and when he shook it, I held it very firmly and very calmly asked him if there was a reason he did not greet any of my family. he looked up and said I don't do manners. I asked him if he is saying that he has no manners upon that he says I dont have Islamic manners, upon that I squeezed his weak hand really hard and said next time you see me or I see you, please say greetings. Then I ran into Ali and shook his hand and squeezed it really hard and asked him if he made an effort to greet any of the family and introduced himself and he said no. Then I took him with me and made him introduce himself to the family.

    We waited till 1 am to drive Wasif and his bride home.

    Next day they showed up at our house acting really aggressive and his wife was saying I was rude with her brothers and they felt intimidated by me and they were crying and made a racist statement that her Indian friend had told her that Indians will make drama at the wedding etc.

    My family calmed them down and I am still supporting Wasif's pharmacy but have decided that I will distance myself from her. Wasif invited me to her birthday but I made an excuse.

    I have zero tolerance for bad manners, we each gave them good money also and she never sent a thank you note.

    I spoke to an Arab client about this and he was saying that Arabs are really racist towards desis.

    So am I wrong in distancing myself from the mainly one-sided relationship?
    Last edited by Bobby1; 4 days ago.

  • #2
    When was this wedding? Couldn't have been recent (you were quite busy on GS lately) which serves my increased dubiety towards the details of your narrative.

    How old are the girl s brothers? Why would anyone enthusiastically admit to not having Islamic manners? Again, not surprised at your inclusion of the word Islamic.
    If the lack of introduction on their part offended you, why didnt you simply ask the people you interacted with, to introduce you to the brothers? Or even your nephew? Neither you nor your family is entitled to downright attention and admiration from strangers. Did your family try to greet them? How about we reverse this up a tad bit? Why did your sons not initiate the greeting, given that they possess excellent manners? It is a universally basic principle to subtly approach and greet those who seem uncomfortable or shy. Confrontation is one thing but squeezing hands during a handshake is horrible manners in itself. Use your words, not your hands. This is something they teach in Kindergarten. No one deserves to have their hand squeezed by someone twice their age (or thrice in case these boys are minors). You need to work on your social skills.

    Review your word choices targeting a Muslim community and tell us how you have the audacity to comment on the new bride having made a racist statement about your beloved Indians.
    • Nikah
    • Syrian girl
    • Pak kids
    • Ali
    • Hassan
    • Islamic Manners
    • Dumb Hassan
    • Racist Arabs

    Because I take everything at its face value, I purpose two motives for this thread:

    1. To degrade Syrian Muslim community as having horrible manners
    2. To showcase Bobby1 in action at the verge of breaking young boys' hands during a handshake with his commensurable strength.

    Do enlighten me if there is a third.
    "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

    Comment


    • #3
      Bobby1 Bhai Yes you are being childish!

      You of all people should know and remember! That Our Holy Prophet PBUH would always be the First to say Salaam Alaikum!

      You are smart Masha Allah need I say more?



      and it reminds me of Sheikh Saadi said:


      Balaghal-ula bi-kamaalihi / Kashafad-duja bi-jamaalihi / Hasunat jameeu khisaalihi / Sallu alaihi wa aalihi!

      Balaghal-ula bi-kamaalihi / Kashafad-duja bi-jamaalihi / Hasunat jameeu khisaalihi / Sallu alaihi wa aalihi

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Cashmere View Post
        When was this wedding? Couldn't have been recent (you were quite busy on GS lately) which serves my increased dubiety towards the details of your narrative.

        How old are the girl s brothers? Why would anyone enthusiastically admit to not having Islamic manners? Again, not surprised at your inclusion of the word Islamic.
        If the lack of introduction on their part offended you, why didnt you simply ask the people you interacted with, to introduce you to the brothers? Or even your nephew? Neither you nor your family is entitled to downright attention and admiration from strangers. Did your family try to greet them? How about we reverse this up a tad bit? Why did your sons not initiate the greeting, given that they possess excellent manners? It is a universally basic principle to subtly approach and greet those who seem uncomfortable or shy. Confrontation is one thing but squeezing hands during a handshake is horrible manners in itself. Use your words, not your hands. This is something they teach in Kindergarten. No one deserves to have their hand squeezed by someone twice their age (or thrice in case these boys are minors). You need to work on your social skills.

        Review your word choices targeting a Muslim community and tell us how you have the audacity to comment on the new bride having made a racist statement about your beloved Indians.
        • Nikah
        • Syrian girl
        • Pak kids
        • Ali
        • Hassan
        • Islamic Manners
        • Dumb Hassan
        • Racist Arabs

        Because I take everything at its face value, I purpose two motives for this thread:

        1. To degrade Syrian Muslim community as having horrible manners
        2. To showcase Bobby1 in action at the verge of breaking young boys' hands during a handshake with his commensurable strength.

        Do enlighten me if there is a third.


        We had met Hassan and Ali onetime before when Wasif and Darin had invited us to their house and even then her family gave us a complete cold shoulder, this was the first time I was invited to their home, I tried making conversation with Darin's friends but they would not reciprocate. I did not say anything and just went for a walk.

        I was the grooms guardian designated to represent in Nikah and witness, I did go upto Darin and say to her mother that Darin looks like a princess.

        We had invited Darin and her mom to our house several times and I prepared feasts for them and greeted them with a lot of respect.

        They are Alluwite, a branch of Shias hence the names Ali and Hassan. Hassan was in the greeting party at the door so for him to look the other way was plain wrong.

        The neighborhood I live in people even greet my dog and take time to talk to her and pat her. I am very patient and can put up with a lot of negativity but having my eldest brother who flew from Montreal, my sisters from Orange County and Florida and contributing thousands of dollars to the wedding and no one even saying hello to the mother of groom seemed really disrespectful and the ill manners are evident that they never sent thank you notes to any family member. The wedding was end of June. I went to get my medication from Wasif yesterday and he invited us to his wife's birthday and that is where I am reassessing things. If anything Arabs are warm and gracious but not these ones.

        This is not the first time I have faced Arab racism towards desis.

        PS Darin does not consider herself as an Arab, she says Syrians are better than Arabs and does not follow religion so closely, they lived together for a year. there was booze (Thankfully) at the reception, belly dancers and perhaps the food was non halal but delicious.

        Comment


        • Cashmere
          Cashmere commented
          Editing a comment
          Okay then, you've answered your original question in this very post. You said you have no tolerance for bad manners, then go ahead and whip them out of your life for once and for all. If you were at the Nikkah as a paternal figure for your nephew, then yes they did owe you some formality. Based on the post above, there is really no need for you to be chipping cash into your nephew's business. His wife is aware of your charitable contributions and most likely benefits from this pharmacy. Yet she refuses to acknowledge you and your family. Im curious as to what encourages your continuous help towards your nephew's business?
          Nothing childish in exing out toxic people. In this case, they aren't even related to you.

          However, her ethnicity whether Syrian or Arab has very little to do with what you're facing. I find such excessive details to be patronizing. Combination of arrogance and ignorance is prevalent worldwide. Again, something you should be very familiar with based on your experience with diverse, multicultural employees/clients in your profession.
          Last edited by Cashmere; 4 days ago.

      • #5
        If they really were racist as you are portraying them, guaranteed their sister would have never even thought about marrying your nephew.
        Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

        Comment


        • #6
          Originally posted by aqua70 View Post
          If they really were racist as you are portraying them, guaranteed their sister would have never even thought about marrying your nephew.
          I dont think they had any say in what her sister did. The older sister is married to a redneck and didn't even do a Nikah. They might be just plain ignorant. Darin and Wasif lived together for a year before marriage. The brothers did not help in the wedding either.

          Comment


          • #7
            You basically acted like a bully.

            If someone ....(even a relative)....ignores me, I don't confront them and demand that they greet me. I do either one of two things. Either I greet them first....or I leave them be.

            What you did qualifies as abuse. You stated that you squeezed their hand "hard"....and then you ordered them that they better greet your family the next time that they see you. You made a threat and you added physical pressure as well.

            As hurtful as their reactions might have been, yours were no better......if not worse.

            When you approach someone and demand that they greet you and give you attention...............that person thinks, "Man....this guy is really desperate for my attention. I must have really struck a nerve with him since he's so bothered by it. He must think I am really special/important if it breaks his heart that I am not even looking/talking to him."

            Either you be the bigger person.....or.......you leave them alone and show them that you're not bothered by their behavior. Ignore them back and show them that you don't care about them either.


            Now the bride's brothers are gonna tell her about how that creepy Bobby Uncle who pumped their hand really hard and threatened them to greet him and his family. And the bride is gonna tell your nephew and God knows how that will eventually play out.


            Honestly, Bob, if you behave in real life the way you do on this forum.......I would not be surprised if more and more people get turned off by you. It doesn't take people long to put 2 n 2 together and figure out that someone looks down on them.

            Maybe you need to stop going out of your way cooking and cleaning for people so often as then you develop expectations from them that they might not be fulfill. Limit your kindness. The sad fact of human nature ......(that can be seen among people of ALL races and religions).........is that when you are too, too, too, too nice to people.......you are viewed as a pushover and folks will take advantage of you.



            Lastly, why the hell did you even feel that it was necessary to mention that Darin (whom you like) does not follow religion, and there was booze and non-halal food at the party. Lemme guess....this is just another example of your trying to tell us that the non-religious folks are much better than the religious ones.

            Comment


            • #8
              Cashmere

              Also to let you know that it is horribly rude to accuse someone of lying.

              Comment


              • Cashmere
                Cashmere commented
                Editing a comment
                Believe me when I say, I am of the very few who believe your stories regarding your kids as there's no reason for me to doubt athletic teens or a proud father who boasts about his children. A majority of parents do this even if it is offline. However, I do pick up on each and every one of your exaggerations and prejudices where you purposely force Islam into your negative narratives. This is generally what deducts from your credibility.

            • #9
              Originally posted by redvelvet View Post
              You basically acted like a bully.

              If someone ....(even a relative)....ignores me, I don't confront them and demand that they greet me. I do either one of two things. Either I greet them first....or I leave them be.

              What you did qualifies as abuse. You stated that you squeezed their hand "hard"....and then you ordered them that they better greet your family the next time that they see you. You made a threat and you added physical pressure as well.

              As hurtful as their reactions might have been, yours were no better......if not worse.

              When you approach someone and demand that they greet you and give you attention...............that person thinks, "Man....this guy is really desperate for my attention. I must have really struck a nerve with him since he's so bothered by it. He must think I am really special/important if it breaks his heart that I am not even looking/talking to him."

              Either you be the bigger person.....or.......you leave them alone and show them that you're not bothered by their behavior. Ignore them back and show them that you don't care about them either.


              Now the bride's brothers are gonna tell her about how that creepy Bobby Uncle who pumped their hand really hard and threatened them to greet him and his family. And the bride is gonna tell your nephew and God knows how that will eventually play out.


              Honestly, Bob, if you behave in real life the way you do on this forum.......I would not be surprised if more and more people get turned off by you. It doesn't take people long to put 2 n 2 together and figure out that someone looks down on them.

              Maybe you need to stop going out of your way cooking and cleaning for people so often as then you develop expectations from them that they might not be fulfill. Limit your kindness. The sad fact of human nature ......(that can be seen among people of ALL races and religions).........is that when you are too, too, too, too nice to people.......you are viewed as a pushover and folks will take advantage of you.



              Lastly, why the hell did you even feel that it was necessary to mention that Darin (whom you like) does not follow religion, and there was booze and non-halal food at the party. Lemme guess....this is just another example of your trying to tell us that the non-religious folks are much better than the religious ones.
              First of all my sister, Wasifs mother is not just anyone, she spent thousands of dollars to fly here from LA and Wasif said to me that he takes me for a father. My brother is 15 yrs older and I made Harris massage his callussy feet every day and give him a good night hug. I am only tender with my family, if anyone else tries to disrespect my family I will run them over like a tank. Since my sister will have regular interaction with the family and I dont take a stand now, they will treat her like garbage forever. Darin's mother expects Wasif to treat her like a Queen while they treat Wasif's mother like garbage.

              Also they gave our family a ****ty table at the end and Darin's uncles, mother and brothers sat at the Head table and Darin said it was an oversight.

              Comment


              • redvelvet
                redvelvet commented
                Editing a comment
                Umm....

                Squeezing someone's hand and threatening them to greet you is abuse. Just go and ask your shrink if you have any doubts about that.

                The irony is that if a woman does domestic tasks for her husband, you view that as servile........however.........you yourself go above and beyond in not only being servile (butler...naukar...Jeeves)...to everyone else.......you even encourage your kids to do obsequious things as well.

                Really? Massaging callous feet? And happily taking wife's chappal? Good grief....stop acting like a pair ki jooti.

                On one hand you act like a welcome mat for everyone to tread one take advantage of so you can feel superior about yourself..........and then on the other and you crunch peoples' hands and threaten them to greet you. Two extremes. No happy medium. We are not the best people for you to seek advice as to whether or not you are childish. You should pose this question to your shrink since you've mentioned that you see one.

              • Bobby1
                Bobby1 commented
                Editing a comment
                I also did not threaten them, I said Ali while crushing his hand, next time I see you I will say Salam Alaikum Ali and you say Salamalaikum uncle, I asked him if he took time to introduce himself to the family and he said no so I took him to introduce himself. I did change their behavior though as when he was leaving he shook everyones hand individually and said goodbye. But then the lil wuss goes homes and cries to his mom and sis. What kind of man cries to his mom.

            • #10
              Originally posted by Bobby1 View Post

              First of all my sister, Wasifs mother is not just anyone, she spent thousands of dollars to fly here from LA and Wasif said to me that he takes me for a father. My brother is 15 yrs older and I made Harris massage his callussy feet every day and give him a good night hug. I am only tender with my family, if anyone else tries to disrespect my family I will run them over like a tank. Since my sister will have regular interaction with the family and I dont take a stand now, they will treat her like garbage forever. Darin's mother expects Wasif to treat her like a Queen while they treat Wasif's mother like garbage.

              Also they gave our family a ****ty table at the end and Darin's uncles, mother and brothers sat at the Head table and Darin said it was an oversight.
              My rule in life is to not let people get comfortable in disrespecting you. I will bet you anything they will be very respectful next time.

              The high powered lawyer I am up against in my legal battle would talk to me in a very uncivil and aggressive manner, raising his voice, shaking his finger at me, cutting me off, hyperventilating etc and I sent him an email that I will talk to the law society about his unprofessional and uncivil conduct and the last time I saw him he was over-polite, helpful and cooperative. He shook my hand and wished me happy Thanksgiving. So if you address these things most of the time people change their behavior.

              Comment


              • #11
                Do not know why but your blogs and posts never fail to make me laugh.
                So verily... with every difficulty, there is relief. Al-Quran 94 : 5-6

                Comment


                • #12
                  redvelvet I plan everything and there was a reason behind asking Harris to rub my brothers feet, My brother now is head of the family so I had to show Harris to respect elderly, my brother took care of my father when he was disabled, cleaning his body fluids and all and also made huge sacrifices in raising his kids, his daughter became doctor at 22.5, will be a specialist at 27 making 500k a year. His son is young VP ay Bank Of America.
                  My brother did not make good money in life due to lack of confidence because of being abused and people in Montreal disrespected him, I thought a big athlete giving him the ultimate respect would be a great show of gratitude and respect. I also did his feet and leg dubbao. I also took him to mountains.

                  When I cared for my mother than I cleant up after her accidents and all and we should teach children to not get grossed out by older people.

                  I was so proud of Harris as he never had a problem massaging his feet. When Harris went to Nationals my brothers family came to visit with him and that small action has created a lifelong bond.

                  Comment


                  • Cashmere
                    Cashmere commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Makes sense.

                • #13
                  What is it with you and shoes and feet all the time?

                  Comment


                  • #14
                    Cashmere the culture is relevant in this situation as Daryn was saying that in their culture it is the guys side who does the greetings at the weddings. I still go to the Pharmacy as I still want the best for them and my kids are going to his wife's birtday. The only reason i won't socialise with them is that i dont need to feel disrespected again.

                    In these days of heightened scrutiny when immigrants/refugees act badly it effects all of us. We had a Syrian married refugee in our city who touched many young girls in the city pool and the opposition parties made a huge deal of it. Now recently I see the right wing making an issue with a young girl killed by a Syrian refugee and another Syrian woman throwing coffee at a protester.

                    I do have a right to protest these bad behaviors as my children now face racism because of a few of these bad actors avd for all our sakes we should filter the new comers more diligently.

                    We do get good or bad reputations based on the behavior of most of us, in our business community all the businesses love Filipino clients. Even though i am not a Muslim Hassan assumed I am a Muslim and showed disdain for Muslims.

                    Hudda, Daryn's mother sat under my roof and told me harrowing stories about the Arab savagery she has seen. Daryn also said that she did not want to marry an Arab man so these stereotypes exist and you and I and our children will pay the price of how our community behaves.

                    Safy gets racially profiled at the airport and worries about racism.

                    Comment


                    • #15
                      Originally posted by redvelvet View Post
                      What is it with you and shoes and feet all the time?
                      Now Bridgette is the one obsessed abot shoes, she would always complain about being broke and is in trouble for not paying her taxes. Felt strange for a girl who makes 250K plus, untill she invited me to her new place and has dedicated a room just for shoes and the cheapest shoe she has is $500.00 I was calculating over 100k worth of shoes.

                      Comment


                      • redvelvet
                        redvelvet commented
                        Editing a comment
                        And there you go again. Dropping names. Sharing details about people's lives that nobody cares to know. Such behavior is typically seen among women and, yes, it is an annoying trait even for a woman. But the same trait becomes more annoying in a guy. Just worry about yourself, and not the lives of others.

                      • Bobby1
                        Bobby1 commented
                        Editing a comment
                        You talk about Jinns and Chillas and I about successful people. It is proven that hanging around successful people makes you successful, maybe try it and might change your life.

                      • redvelvet
                        redvelvet commented
                        Editing a comment
                        Correction. YOU talk about jinns and chillas. YOU are the one that brings up this subject in every thread. Not me. If there's any doubt, then get your vision checked. Ullu!
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