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  • do you ever

    have this crippling fear that you will disappoint everyone and anyone that is or will be associated with you?
    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.” ~

  • #2
    It's a natural fear and I have had it from time to time. But I don't think it's to a crippling point. There is a bit of good in fear as well because it can push you to do your best. For instance, I switched to a new school that had a totally different system than I was used to and I was afraid that I won't be able to survive in this place. But that also pushed me to be more conscientious and to put my best effort in things. With time, that fear subsided.

    You have to also cut yourself some slack because operating from a place of excessive fear can take its toll on you and hinder your performance. You might let people down sometimes....and they will also let YOU down sometimes. We were not created to be perfect and that's why our relationships are not going to be perfect all the time, our performance in various areas (work, etc) is not going to be perfect all the time. You just do the best you can and when you make mistakes, you pick yourself up....dust yourself off....and try to do better.

    If you have this crippling fear, then you have to figure out where it is stemming from. For example, sometimes parents make well-intentioned mistakes of comparing their children to others...and placing pressure on their children to outdo others in every way. So it could even a be a fear that was developed during childhood. Or it could have stemmed from comparing yourself to your peers, etc. We have to remind ourselves that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, everyone has a different destiny, everyone is imperfect even if they seem otherwise, and ups and downs come in everyone's life. You can't control others.....but you do have greater control in deciding whether or not you're going to accept their harmful messages...or ignore them. And also, you have to reflect on your messages to yourself and your own interpretations. We tend to be our worse critics. We tend to be very hard on ourselves and we will magnify our flaws and downplay and dismiss our good points. Our own perceptions can be very skewed/warped and need adjusting.

    Developing your spirituality can help with greatly reducing and even possibly eliminating that fear. Connecting with Allah makes a person understand that their ultimate goal in life is not to succeed in the rat-race, or to keep with the Jones's, or to be Number ONE in every worldly endeavor. If you accomplish these things, yes you will feel happiness ....but it's a transient happiness. And soon after, people tend to feel a void within them and they ask themselves, "What now? I've reached the is this it?" No worldly pursuit is permanent. Wealth goes up and down. Health goes up and down. Looks, beauty, and youth fade for everyone. Careers are not permanent either. And we are living in difficult times where sadly relationships (marriages) don't come with the strongest guarantees. Friends, too, can come and go...and stay gone. When you attach your heart soooo firmly to something that is not permanent, you place yourself in a vulnerable position because you will fall apart when you lose that thing. The only permanent thing is Allah and He is the One to whom we should attach ourselves to as that keeps us emotionally anchored during difficult times. These are things that many of us come to realize with the passage of time and as we being to understand that everything of the world that we chase and try to keep is neither permanent nor perfect. And we have to remind ourselves of this reality many times because it is said that one of the meanings of the word "insaan" is to forget, so we are imperfect and forgetful. We need reminders.


    • decentGuy
      decentGuy commented
      Editing a comment
      Great advice !
      A quote that gets me going in such situations is from a movie called, Catch Me If You Can (2002). It goes like this, "Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned, but the second mouse, he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and he walked out."

  • #3
    Answer is in the name of a Pakistani movie

    My degree of sarcasm is directly related with your level of stupidity.
    "Hamari Koi aur branch nahi hai"


    • Cashmere
      Cashmere commented
      Editing a comment
      This just cracked me up!

  • #4

    People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do - Isaac Asimov


    • #5
      Originally posted by Life01 View Post
      have this crippling fear that you will disappoint everyone and anyone that is or will be associated with you?
      I can understand why many people have a fear of disappointing people around them. Me personally the only thing I fear about disappointment is with myself, nothing is worse than that frustration feeling that you're not living to your full potential. That you failed, and there's nothing you can do about it.


      • #6
        dude your real life starts after you disappoint every one. Get over it.
        ﺃﷲ ﻧﯣﺮ ﺇﺴﻣﺇﯣﺇﺕ ﯣﺇﻠﺄﺮﺾ_ Best cheese-maker of monkVille