• Accomplished
  • Aggravated
  • Amused
  • Angry
  • Annoyed
  • Anxious
  • Apathetic
  • Artistic
  • Awake
  • Bitchy
  • Blah
  • Blank
  • Bored
  • Bouncy
  • Busy
  • Calm
  • Cheerful
  • Chipper
  • Cold
  • Complacent
  • Confused
  • Contemplative
  • Content
  • Cranky
  • Crappy
  • Crazy
  • Creative
  • Crushed
  • Curious
  • Cynical
  • Depressed
  • Determined
  • Devious
  • Dirty
  • Disappointed
  • Discontent
  • Disgusted
  • Distressed
  • Ditzy
  • Dorky
  • Drained
  • Drunk
  • Ecstatic
  • Embarrassed
  • Energetic
  • Enraged
  • Enthralled
  • Envious
  • Exanimate
  • Excited
  • Exhausted
  • Flirty
  • Frustrated
  • Full
  • Geeky
  • Giddy
  • Giggly
  • Gloomy
  • Good
  • Grateful
  • Groggy
  • Grumpy
  • Guilty
  • Happy
  • High
  • Hopeful
  • Horny
  • Hot
  • Hungry
  • Hyper
  • Impressed
  • Indescribable
  • Indifferent
  • Infuriated
  • Intimidated
  • Irate
  • Irritated
  • Jealous
  • Jubilant
  • Lazy
  • Lethargic
  • Listless
  • Lonely
  • Loved
  • Melancholy
  • Mellow
  • Mischievous
  • Moody
  • Morose
  • Naughty
  • Nauseated
  • Nerdy
  • Nervous
  • Nostalgic
  • Numb
  • Okay
  • Optimistic
  • Pakistan
  • Peaceful
  • Pensive
  • Pessimistic
  • Pissedoff
  • Pleased
  • Predatory
  • Productive
  • Quixotic
  • Recumbent
  • Refreshed
  • Rejected
  • Rejuvenated
  • Relaxed
  • Relieved
  • Restless
  • Rushed
  • Sad
  • Satisfied
  • Scared
  • Shocked
  • Sick
  • Silly
  • Sleepy
  • Sore
  • Stressed
  • Surprised
  • Sympathetic
  • Thankful
  • Thirsty
  • Thoughtful
  • Tired
  • Touched
  • Uncomfortable
  • Weird
  • Working
  • Worried
  • Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
    Results 37 to 46 of 46
    1. #37

      ----
       

      Bobby1's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 15, 2016
      Posts
      2,623
      Post Thanks / Like
      Blogs
      33
      Mentioned
      65 Post(s)
      Tagged
      0 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by decentGuy View Post
      While I acknowledge many women are genuine victims but not all. We’ve all seen cases where the woman or her family demanded complete humiliation and surrender of the husband. If he surrenders, fine. Otherwise they end things and makeup some stories to satisfy their guilty conscience. Some girls are so lacking in wifely qualities that if you ask their own brothers(given they are being honest) about marrying a girl with similar qualities, they would not. This is not some desi vs Western thing, this is universal. Qualities men look for in a girlfriend or short term relationship are very different compared to qualities they look for in a wife.

      I once asked my wife’s brother if he would ever tolerate such disrespect from his wife what her sister dishes out at me and his unequivocal response was, “No”.
      What disrespect does your wife dish out at you and why?

    2. #38
      Senior Member
      ----
       

      kurripunjaban's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 1, 2008
      Location
      Raawwwr.
      Posts
      5,272
      Post Thanks / Like
      Mentioned
      15 Post(s)
      Tagged
      1 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by fitoor View Post
      Well it's good that you were able to explain yourself. My aunt is a staunch believer in "you only get married once" and she says it like we already should know it to be right. A very big gossip so most of her knowledge about people is hearsay rather than the actual truth so she would never talk much directly to a divorcee. She would talk to everybody except her about her.
      I think people like this need to be called out. Shut down the rumour mill and that’s at least a fraction of the problem solved. If they’re left to continue their nonsense without being confronted you best believe they’ll never stop.

    3. #39
      Senior Member
      ----
       

      kurripunjaban's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 1, 2008
      Location
      Raawwwr.
      Posts
      5,272
      Post Thanks / Like
      Mentioned
      15 Post(s)
      Tagged
      1 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by SID_NY View Post
      These two point

      Absolutely no disrespect to anyone, but Its a norm to put all the blame on men while conveniently ignoring the section of women who lie through their teeth and just dont get exposed cuz either their men put a blind eye on them or slide it under the carpet considering it a moral requirement. Time to talk about the evil in both camps when we agree on gender equality.

      And if someone thinks that there are no such women, they live in lala land.
      Agreed. But another important point to raise here is when a man stays quiet, regardless of whether he was in the right or wrong, it is generally assumed he was in the right. Like you said, he’s staying quiet out of moral obligation. A lot of men brush things under the carpet because they know their own actions were despicable too. So it’s best to not speak about them at all.

      Whereas if a woman stays quiet, it’s assumed she has something to hide and therefore was wrong and the blame is put on her.

    4. #40
      Senior Member
      ----
       

      kurripunjaban's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 1, 2008
      Location
      Raawwwr.
      Posts
      5,272
      Post Thanks / Like
      Mentioned
      15 Post(s)
      Tagged
      1 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by decentGuy View Post
      While I acknowledge many women are genuine victims but not all. We’ve all seen cases where the woman or her family demanded complete humiliation and surrender of the husband. If he surrenders, fine. Otherwise they end things and makeup some stories to satisfy their guilty conscience. Some girls are so lacking in wifely qualities that if you ask their own brothers(given they are being honest) about marrying a girl with similar qualities, they would not. This is not some desi vs Western thing, this is universal. Qualities men look for in a girlfriend or short term relationship are very different compared to qualities they look for in a wife.

      I once asked my wife’s brother if he would ever tolerate such disrespect from his wife what her sister dishes out at me and his unequivocal response was, “No”.
      This again works both ways. I often challenge my brothers when it comes to how they treat their wives. Alhamdulillah they are very good husbands but certain aspects can definitely be worked on. I wouldn’t tolerate such behaviour from my own husband.

    5. #41

      ----
       

      Sahdia77's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jan 25, 2014
      Location
      Zuid Holland, the Netherlands
      Posts
      270
      Post Thanks / Like
      Mentioned
      5 Post(s)
      Tagged
      1 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by NavAhmed View Post
      Marrying the right person is the most important decision of your life, and probably the easiest to go wrong. Marriage is no bed of roses, it takes patience, tolerance, mutual understanding and respect on both sides to make it work.

      Expectation is the root of all heartache.
      True. One of the problems amongst most Pakistani people I know and especially in my family is that they expect only the female to give up everything, where as the male can do anything he desires.

      One example from my own life; I was promised to finish my education, by husband and his parents. That was an important agreement of the marriage. Another was that he would come to live in Holland, if I so wished. After marriage however I was made to stop education and move to France. I was always blamed as the wife as long as I didn't do what he wanted, so I gave in every time. Even that didn't satisfy husband and inlaws. Nothings I did was ever enough. Not for my parents, not for my inlaws. My expectations were that my husband would do what he and his parents had promised, they didn't. Another expectation was that he wouldn't be abusive, but he was. Silly me. I didn't expect a lot of money or a great house or expensive clothes or jewelry, I just wanted to be loved and respected and a library card. That's it. And Dutch cheese every now and then, the one they sold in France was too expensive and limited in choice.

      I'm not saying all females are great and all males are bad. One of my relatives, living in Islamabad, wasn't very nice to her husband. Neither was he to her, they were both wrong. She made too many demands and was a bit too harsh. I don't know everything that happened between them, so I have no idea if he became wrong because of her or if he already had that character. There was no harmony between them and in all honesty, from what I did see and hear, I can't say it was only his fault. (and it made me wonder, had her parents remained in Kotli [A.K.], would she had been like that? are females more often bolder in certain places? not that she was bold in a good way, just wondering in general)

      For a marriage to work and be happy, you need balance in everything. it's giving and taking for both the wife and the husband. They should both give up something. Nowadays I have changed a lot. Nowadays I open my mouth, sometimes I say things to scare people away, nowadays I keep quiet less often. Perhaps I should have been like this when I was married.
      Well . . .

    6. #42

      ----
       

      Bobby1's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 15, 2016
      Posts
      2,623
      Post Thanks / Like
      Blogs
      33
      Mentioned
      65 Post(s)
      Tagged
      0 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by Sahdia77 View Post
      True. One of the problems amongst most Pakistani people I know and especially in my family is that they expect only the female to give up everything, where as the male can do anything he desires.

      One example from my own life; I was promised to finish my education, by husband and his parents. That was an important agreement of the marriage. Another was that he would come to live in Holland, if I so wished. After marriage however I was made to stop education and move to France. I was always blamed as the wife as long as I didn't do what he wanted, so I gave in every time. Even that didn't satisfy husband and inlaws. Nothings I did was ever enough. Not for my parents, not for my inlaws. My expectations were that my husband would do what he and his parents had promised, they didn't. Another expectation was that he wouldn't be abusive, but he was. Silly me. I didn't expect a lot of money or a great house or expensive clothes or jewelry, I just wanted to be loved and respected and a library card. That's it. And Dutch cheese every now and then, the one they sold in France was too expensive and limited in choice.

      I'm not saying all females are great and all males are bad. One of my relatives, living in Islamabad, wasn't very nice to her husband. Neither was he to her, they were both wrong. She made too many demands and was a bit too harsh. I don't know everything that happened between them, so I have no idea if he became wrong because of her or if he already had that character. There was no harmony between them and in all honesty, from what I did see and hear, I can't say it was only his fault. (and it made me wonder, had her parents remained in Kotli [A.K.], would she had been like that? are females more often bolder in certain places? not that she was bold in a good way, just wondering in general)

      For a marriage to work and be happy, you need balance in everything. it's giving and taking for both the wife and the husband. They should both give up something. Nowadays I have changed a lot. Nowadays I open my mouth, sometimes I say things to scare people away, nowadays I keep quiet less often. Perhaps I should have been like this when I was married.
      Being a doormat and putting up with abuse never solves anything. Since girls lose ten folds in a desi break up so they are logically the ones who try the hardest to make things work. Also most girls from desi culture are brought up to be quite giving and caring and to cede rights and freedoms so I feel majority of the divorces involves situations where life has been made hell for her. Any female poster here who has been divorced has mentioned lack of respect, caring, love and rampant abuse by family and husband. Of the few I have intimate knowledge about involved severe abuse, blackmail for money etc. One of the posters here had posted about his issues with his wife and it was quite apparent that he feels very negatively about women and is abusive towards her and then acts as a victim if she stands up for her rights.

    7. #43

      ----
       


      Join Date
      Dec 4, 2016
      Posts
      209
      Post Thanks / Like
      Mentioned
      8 Post(s)
      Tagged
      0 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by Bobby1 View Post
      Being a doormat and putting up with abuse never solves anything. Since girls lose ten folds in a desi break up so they are logically the ones who try the hardest to make things work. Also most girls from desi culture are brought up to be quite giving and caring and to cede rights and freedoms so I feel majority of the divorces involves situations where life has been made hell for her. Any female poster here who has been divorced has mentioned lack of respect, caring, love and rampant abuse by family and husband. Of the few I have intimate knowledge about involved severe abuse, blackmail for money etc. One of the posters here had posted about his issues with his wife and it was quite apparent that he feels very negatively about women and is abusive towards her and then acts as a victim if she stands up for her rights.
      Didn't your first wife divorce you? You were probably abusive towards her.

    8. #44

      ----
       

      Bobby1's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 15, 2016
      Posts
      2,623
      Post Thanks / Like
      Blogs
      33
      Mentioned
      65 Post(s)
      Tagged
      0 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by third string View Post
      Didn't your first wife divorce you? You were probably abusive towards her.
      She was French Canadian, she is still single and the breakup was very amicable, we split the assets very fairly. Breakup was due to my family pressure and yes she was unfairly treated, I didnt know better then. My family was very abusive towards my current wife and I supported her but because of her upbringing she put up with chit I thought was not humanly possible. I told her she doesnt have to but she said it is in her blood to respect elders. The reason I have so much respect for her is because of what she put up with to save her marriage.

    9. #45

      ----
       

      Bobby1's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 15, 2016
      Posts
      2,623
      Post Thanks / Like
      Blogs
      33
      Mentioned
      65 Post(s)
      Tagged
      0 Thread(s)
      Also western culture is different and many men are victimised. One of my kids friend's mother married a man, got him to get her a boob job, lips and nose work and then got the enhanced body to marry a rich guy. Now she goes on hoidays

    10. #46
      K. in the North..
       GS Director


      Apathetic
       

      SID_NY's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jul 29, 2008
      Location
      Winterfell
      Posts
      14,241
      Post Thanks / Like
      Blogs
      130
      Mentioned
      517 Post(s)
      Tagged
      5 Thread(s)
      Quote Originally Posted by kurripunjaban View Post
      Agreed. But another important point to raise here is when a man stays quiet, regardless of whether he was in the right or wrong, it is generally assumed he was in the right. Like you said, he’s staying quiet out of moral obligation. A lot of men brush things under the carpet because they know their own actions were despicable too. So it’s best to not speak about them at all.

      Whereas if a woman stays quiet, it’s assumed she has something to hide and therefore was wrong and the blame is put on her.
      We can agree on that and I take it as every individual case is different. Its unfortunate that on one side we know we shouldnt be quite yet we stay quite for wutever reason.
      And one's upbringing has a lot to do as well. For example a lot of guyz are brought up with the teaching that they are supposed to treat women with utmost respect and not even raise the voice but then those guyz end up meeting women who are abusive towards them and call him names. Not sure if I should call it luck or what but its very very unfortunate and dark.
      I cant make everyone happy..... I'm not Biryani !!


    Similar Threads

    1. Considering a Divorced Man
      By muspus in forum Relationships
      Replies: 18
      Last Post: Sep 25th, 2014, 04:35 PM
    2. Anyone here divorced? Know of any one?
      By RoCKiSTaN in forum Relationships
      Replies: 9
      Last Post: Jul 12th, 2008, 05:54 PM
    3. Divorced, Divorced, Divorved
      By Truthfinder in forum Religion & Philosophy
      Replies: 27
      Last Post: Sep 4th, 2006, 05:36 PM
    4. No, you must not get divorced!
      By Sadiyah in forum Relationships
      Replies: 72
      Last Post: Jun 12th, 2006, 03:04 AM