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As soon as I enter the park, I run into a family friend. Usually my interaction with friends of parents is Hi/how are you etc. After that I figured he was about to leave so when he started walking towards me and said I am walking one more round around the park and ushered to walk together, I was like oh great, be prepared for awkwardness. It was anything but that though, I didn't even notice that instead of 1, we made two rounds around the park. I asked him about his career and learned about his difficult past. He shared his words of wisdom of how to stay motivated and to never give up. This guy is just rare. He got married a few years ago and he married back home. Once his wife moved abroad, she wanted to pursue masters. He encouraged her, tutored her, and paid for all of the tuition and fees. He has a very decent job in a tech company, is handsome yet not a single ounce of arrogance. He treats every single person with respect and oozes elegance. In other words, a perfect gentleman. For someone who moved abroad as a teenager and lived on his own yet is so perfectly balanced between deen and duniya, I was pretty impressed. Now the question is, where do I find a younger and single copy?
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  1. LP's Avatar
    Good luck finding another copy
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    Updated Aug 4th, 2017 at 04:16 PM by LP
  2. LP's Avatar
    Good people exist
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  3. third string's Avatar
    You gotta get out more, you'll find somebody
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  4. aqua70's Avatar
    @LP Haha Thank you.

    @third string Ain't that the truth, I really do need to get out more.
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  5. redvelvet's Avatar
    Shoulda asked him if he has a bhai, a cousin your age......or even a single parosi that he might have rubbed off on. :-/
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  6. NavAhmed's Avatar
    That guy sounds like me, isn't he? off course not the being married part!
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  7. Bobby1's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NavAhmed
    That guy sounds like me, isn't he? off course not the being married part!
    There aint no one better then my lil niece @Aqua , I was just talking to Sana my Pakistani mortgage broker and we were saying that it is almost impossible to find even just basic normal people let alone good ones. If my boy was old enough I would give him to her.
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  8. HamzaKhan's Avatar
    Must have met thousands of his counterparts.
    People are really well aligned with their deen here in South Africa.
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  9. NomiCA's Avatar
    even if there was a guy he..'would marry back home' too...
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  10. Bobby1's Avatar
    The misconception is that the imported wife will be a maid to hubby, nanny to children and slave to dear mommy and an orderly to sister in laws but on the first slap they end up calling 911 and that bubble bursts, seen that way too often.
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  11. LP's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby1
    The misconception is that the imported wife will be a maid to hubby, nanny to children and slave to dear mommy and an orderly to sister in laws but on the first slap they end up calling 911 and that bubble bursts, seen that way too often.
    Another reason could be that it's easier to find back home because the number of eligible girls is larger and the 'settled abroad ' status can be used as a leverage to get a better deal. Moreover, the girl will be plucked from her environment and have no family to run to once she's out of Pakistan. So, all she has are her inlaws.
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  12. LP's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NomiCA
    even if there was a guy he..'would marry back home' too...
    The equation isn't balanced because most guys are fine with importing wives whereas most girls in those countries are not ok with importing husbands.
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  13. HamzaKhan's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by LP
    The equation isn't balanced because most guys are fine with importing wives whereas most girls in those countries are not ok with importing husbands.
    Too true.
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  14. aqua70's Avatar
    @redvelvet no brother. He has been apart from cousins for almost 2 decades so I highly doubt any influence. As far as friends go, all married in our social circle at least.

    @NavAhmed Great, you will need 3 recommendation letters and an essay submission with the following prompt: What makes you happy?

    @Bobby1 Aww that is so sweet. Thank you.

    @HamzaKhan Well aligned with deen is one thing, carrying deen and duniya together well, that is a whole another ball game.

    @NomiCA Initially I was going to write a mounphat response but sadly, your statement is quite true. This notion of how girls are angels in Pak and demonizing the ones abroad is very apparent. My mom once said, quite a few times people accuse others of what they secretly do themselves. This is so true when it comes to a lot of desi guys abroad. I agree with all the points LP made too.
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  15. Bobby1's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by LP
    Another reason could be that it's easier to find back home because the number of eligible girls is larger and the 'settled abroad ' status can be used as a leverage to get a better deal. Moreover, the girl will be plucked from her environment and have no family to run to once she's out of Pakistan. So, all she has are her inlaws.
    There are plenty of girls here but they are not the kind who are easily oppressed, it really is very hard for newcomers to adjust and understand the way of life here. I don't know too many people here but this 68 year old guy had married a 35 yr old girl who had two girls from an abusive army officer in Pak. He was quite abusive with the girl and she got him arrested and he lost his house job everything. This other guy married a young beautiful hot tammali tall girl who called police on him and accused him of being impotent etc. She took divorce and started wearing wee lil shorts and dating. I have a few more examples but for later. The only reason to go back home is to look for servility. As for someone to run to all she needs to do is call 911..they come sirens wailing, guns drawn and social services and volunteers are there to help more than families ever do.
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  16. LP's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by aqua70


    @NavAhmed Great, you will need 3 recommendation letters and an essay submission with the following prompt: What makes you happy?
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  17. LP's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby1
    There are plenty of girls here but they are not the kind who are easily oppressed, it really is very hard for newcomers to adjust and understand the way of life here. The only reason to go back home is to look for servility. As for someone to run to all she needs to do is call 911..they come sirens wailing, guns drawn and social services and volunteers are there to help more than families ever do.
    Percentage wise, true, most girls brought up in the west aren't easily oppressed.
    Any newcomer finds it hard to adjust. But all immigrants or their parents were newcomers at some point .
    Calling 911 is easy, but it's not as easy for a person to take that step. Specially for someone brought up in the east. There are more cases of females suffering abuse than there are of females reporting it.
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  18. Bobby1's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by LP
    Percentage wise, true, most girls brought up in the west aren't easily oppressed.
    Any newcomer finds it hard to adjust. But all immigrants or their parents were newcomers at some point .
    Calling 911 is easy, but it's not as easy for a person to take that step. Specially for someone brought up in the east. There are more cases of females suffering abuse than there are of females reporting it.
    So here the wife does not have to report, if a doctor sees a mark on the body they call the police, neighbors can call police and coworkers also. The protections are a million times better. At one time they were running commercials on radio in punjabi encouraging women to report. This older kacchi lady we know was a victim and govt got involved a few months after marriage and she has received support from govt for 30 yrs now, she even got a brand new aptt in subsidised housing. Yes all immigrants were new comers and many failed to adjust and are living in subsidised housing, getting welfare. many educated people are driving cabs or are security guards. Many ladies cant drive or are unable to ever work.
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  19. NavAhmed's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by aqua70
    @NavAhmed Great, you will need 3 recommendation letters and an essay submission with the following prompt: What makes you happy?
    I feel happy when I do things for others e.g. helping out someone who needs my advice, encouragement, guidance, or support either moral or material.

    Sorry have no recommendation letters :shrug
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  20. SaeedinPakistan's Avatar
    @aqua70 Aap ne pooch lena tha na. "Doosri shadi kay baaray me kia khayal hay hazrat?"

    *Ducks to avoid the chappal*
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  21. HamzaKhan's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by aqua70
    @redvelvet no brother. He has been apart from cousins for almost 2 decades so I highly doubt any influence. As far as friends go, all married in our social circle at least.

    @NavAhmed Great, you will need 3 recommendation letters and an essay submission with the following prompt: What makes you happy?

    @Bobby1 Aww that is so sweet. Thank you.

    @HamzaKhan Well aligned with deen is one thing, carrying deen and duniya together well, that is a whole another ball game.

    @NomiCA Initially I was going to write a mounphat response but sadly, your statement is quite true. This notion of how girls are angels in Pak and demonizing the ones abroad is very apparent. My mom once said, quite a few times people accuse others of what they secretly do themselves. This is so true when it comes to a lot of desi guys abroad. I agree with all the points LP made too.
    Do reread the first part of my comment.
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  22. LP's Avatar
    If it really was as white as you made it sound, there would be 0% Abuse rate by now. Things aren't always black and white,specially where humans are concerned. Yes, these social services help, and people in those countries have better opportunities to get out of abusive situations.
    On the other hand, I know of people who weren't able to get out of the abusive situation even after a health professional bandaged their almost life taking wounds given by family. They didn't press charges even after being given a temporary place to live by the social services and a job by a mutual friend. They decided to go back to the family of their own accord. All I am saying is that it's easier to get out of abuse because of facilities provided by the government, but difficult to do so for many because of their upbringing.

    To the second part of your post, on one hand many immigrants failed to thrive, on the other, there are many who thrived too. Whoever migrates, hopes to be of the latter. You are an example of someone who thrived.

    Anyway, all this wasn't even the point of the post aqua made.
    Apologies for spoiling your blog Aqua.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby1
    So here the wife does not have to report, if a doctor sees a mark on the body they call the police, neighbors can call police and coworkers also. The protections are a million times better. At one time they were running commercials on radio in punjabi encouraging women to report. This older kacchi lady we know was a victim and govt got involved a few months after marriage and she has received support from govt for 30 yrs now, she even got a brand new aptt in subsidised housing. Yes all immigrants were new comers and many failed to adjust and are living in subsidised housing, getting welfare. many educated people are driving cabs or are security guards. Many ladies cant drive or are unable to ever work.
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  23. aqua70's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NavAhmed
    I feel happy when I do things for others e.g. helping out someone who needs my advice, encouragement, guidance, or support either moral or material.

    Sorry have no recommendation letters :shrug
    And no essay submission either. You didn't follow any guidelines. :/ Alright, off the list you go.
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  24. aqua70's Avatar
    @SaeedinPakistan Lmaooo. Not a life style I would choose for myself, no thank you!

    @LP No problem at all.

    @HamzaKhan Well if you have met so many of the same, you are lucky. My interaction with desis is quite limited so the amount of people I know who fit the above criteria, I can count on my one hand.
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